Rainbow Black by Maggie Thrash

Author:Maggie Thrash
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2024-01-24T00:00:00+00:00

xxvii

BEFORE I GO ON, IT’S IMPORTANT FOR ME TO SAY UNAMBIGUOUSLY that when I left the courthouse that day, it wasn’t with the intention of killing anyone. Not a conscious intention, anyway.

I got back to Germaine House around 4:00 P.M., explaining to Patty that I was sick and wanted to go to bed. I’m sure I looked ghastly enough that the story was easy to believe. It wasn’t a lie, really. I was sick, my spirit hanging by a frayed thread.

In the morning I was ravenous. I ate a full plate of shitty instant eggs while listening to Natasha’s daily monologue about how people were sheep and deserved to be herded off the edge of a cliff. I felt strangely fond of her, in that haze of pre-nostalgia that comes when you know you’re never going to see someone again.

I was nervous about my plan to steal Trisha’s car. It involved taking Taz for her outdoor time during breakfast, something I feared would invite suspicion. I couldn’t bring my suitcase without attracting attention, so I filled my school bag with pairs of socks (no piece of clothing mattered more than socks, as any experienced hiker would tell you). I went back and forth over I Saw Marilyn Monroe in 1980. I kept putting it in the bag, taking it out, then putting it back. It felt like being asked to declare, once and for all, whether I renounced any possibility that Éclair might still be alive.

I left it in the bag and zipped it up.

“I’m visiting my dad today in prison,” I lied to Patty. “I’m supposed to take the bus downtown and meet Jeannine, who will drive me the rest of the way.”

Patty shook her head, flipping through her papers on her ever-present clipboard. “It’s not on your schedule.”

“She just got me off the no-visitation list. Please, Patty? Please, please!” I scrunched up my face like I was about to cry.

She sighed. “Fine. I’m walking you to the bus stop, though, to make sure you’re not kidnapped.”

On the way, Patty rambled unbearably about how daughters have a special place in their daddies’ hearts, and how great it was that I was still willing to visit my father and forgive him even after everything he’d done.

“He didn’t do anything,” I said, the words coming automatically. My heart wasn’t in them anymore.

“Oh, of course. Innocent until proven guilty. That’s the American way!”

When the bus arrived, I hopped on while Patty waited on the curb, waving cheerfully. I felt a surge of guilt. My disappearance was going to upset her, not because she cared about me in any specific way, but because I was a child and every child was precious in the eyes of the Lord, at least according to a T-shirt she often wore.

I got off the bus at the very next stop, crossed the street, and caught the first bus back to Germaine House. During breakfast, I’d left Taz hidden in her carrying case among a little thicket of trees down the street.

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